I will begin this blog entry by reiterating how deeply grateful I am that we have this opportunity to live in Switzerland and experience living among so many culturally diverse people. The traveling we are able to do far exceeds any expectations I ever had for vacationing with my family. Yes, I am clearly noting that I appreciate this gift we have been given and plan to enjoy our time here to the best of my abilities.
Unfortunately, my abilities do not allow me to enjoy Switzerland when it is 90 degrees out, air conditioning is almost non-existent, and the Swiss seem to be oddly opposed to putting screens in their windows. I just can't suck it up and smile when my hair is dripping with sweat and I'm being attacked by bees and flies in my own home. I've had to choose between increasing my risk of heat stroke to uncomfortably high levels, or opening our windows and inviting in a large number of insects along with a slight breeze. I opted for the bugs, although if I am stung by one of the dozens of bees that I now cohabitate with and find that I have a severe allergic reaction, I might find I'd prefer death by heat stroke over death by suffocation. I would imagine dying while covered in hives with grossly enlarged lips would not be very dignified. Let's hope I never find out.
Bryan surprised me with a thoughtful gift the other day that he thought might solve our insect problem. He stopped by the florist at the mall and picked me up a plant that truly says, "I love you and think you deserve only the best". He bought me a Venus Flytrap. I was really excited about it prior to opening it. I envisioned an unruly carnivorous plant that would snap it's mighty "jaws" shut on any fly that came within 12 inches of it. I don't know where I got this unrealistic vision of a venus fly trap but as stupid as it sounds, I pictured it snapping bugs right out of the air. Clearly I was wrong, and the plant has not lived up to my expectations. Bryan and the boys decided that killing flies and using a toothpick to stick them in the pathetic little "jaws" of the plant so they can watch the leaves close around it is great fun. I wouldn't know because I am too busy chasing bees around the apartment to partake in their lame science experiment. What I really need is a fly swatter to take on these little pests. Currently my weapon of choice is my "German in 10 Minutes a Day" workbook. The kids now shriek "Get your German book, Mommy!" when a bee begins circling around them and I come running to the rescue, spastically flailing my German book around hoping to get a good whack at it.
The other day this bee issue may have caused me a potential new friend here in Switzerland. We were sitting outside on our balcony trying to enjoy a nice dinner when the bees attacked. At this point, I'm a little ashamed to tell you that I was pissed off. Not a lady like term, but the only one that really fits the emotions I was feeling. So I went inside, grabbed my German workbook and came flying out onto the balcony with a vengeance. I was smacking dinner plates, the table top, the grill, and anything else that a gutsy Swiss bee might land on. Bryan kept asking, "Is that really necessary?" The kids cry out whenever a bee comes near them and I'm going to blame my murderous bee rampage on my maternal instinct to protect my offspring. It makes me feel a little less insane that way.
Well, this is when Bryan decides to motion to our next door neighbors balcony where the nice American woman that I've been getting to know, is sitting outside quietly reading a book. There is absolutely no way she didn't look over and see my embarrassing display of "crazy lady" pest control. And to be honest with you, if I were her, I'd probably be a little frightened at the sight of my slashing about the air with my German book. She was kind enough to not look up from her book when I realized she was sitting there, but I'm not expecting an invitation for coffee anytime soon.
If we haven't scared away our next door neighbors, I'm quite certain we have the rest of the neighborhood wondering about the goings on in our flat. Tonight we were enjoying a nice family dinner while discussing the highlights of the boys first day of school. Sounds nice, until you factor in the fact that every few sentences a bee would fly around the dinner table and the kids would scream. Bryan grabbed the German book and thought it was funny to holler, "Let's teach em some German!" as he slapped the bees to the ground. He'd then toss the dead bee out the open window. This was mildly amusing the first couple of times. After that we were all getting a little aggravated and Bryan's bee swatting became a bit more violent. This is when he took a big swing at an unsuspecting bee and the German book flew out of his hand, out our 4th floor window, and down to the street below. The funniest part about it was the look on his face after it happened. It was a mixture of confusion and amusement and I laughed until I cried as he quickly ran out the door and down the stairs to retrieve it. We're lucky he didn't take out a nice old Swiss Hausfrau on her way to the recycling bins. But she would sure have one hell of a story to tell when she got home.
Aside from the bugs, what makes the heat just that much more unbearable, is that the Swiss people don't sweat. They walk around town with their bags of recycleables without so much as a glisten to their faces. I don't think they know quite what to make of the red faced American lady who complains about the heat all the time. The whole family sticks out like a sore thumb with our beet red faces. But the heat doesn't even seem to phase the Swiss people. This is probably why they have not embraced the concept of air conditioning. Imagine my horror when I realized the gym I had just joined DIDN'T HAVE AIR CONDITIONING. Seriously, have you ever heard of a gym that doesn't have air-conditioning? You would think, since the gym is right on the lake, that they would at least crack a few windows to let in a little breeze, but no. Not a single window is EVER open. After 2 minutes on the treadmill, I look like I just jumped out of the shower, while the Swiss woman with no sweat glands next to me finishes her 5 mile run without so much as a shine. I also find it humorous that they have a sauna in the locker room. Seriously? So not necessary.
Fortunately, everyone says this heat wave is not typical of Switzerland and with Fall just around the corner, I'll be back to loving Switzerland in no time. Fall has always been my favorite season and I can only imagine how nice Switzerland is with the cooler temperatures, changing leaves, and fewer bugs. One of the things I've committed to this fall, is starting German lessons. With the kids back in school, I'll have time to wipe the bugs remnants off my German book, scrape off the asphalt marks, and get to work.
