If you haven't gotten the idea from some of my past blog posts, Switzerland is a beautiful country with lots to offer our American expat family. And really, we love it. But I'm guessing you've also read between the lines to recognize that it's not exactly a place where you are free to "let loose". You know how every year someone does a "Top 10 Party Schools" list, and we all read it, secretly hoping maybe our college might, at the very least, get an honorable mention? Well, with Amsterdam being the equivalent of the #1 party school in Europe, Switzerland would be more equivalent to, well, a 1950s Catholic elementary school. You really need to be on your best behavior, because there's always a "Sister Mary" right around the corner, ready and willing to use her paddle.
So when a friend told me about a Zurich street parade that happens in August, I imagined cute little Swiss women dressed in traditional Swiss clothing, maybe a herd or 2 of cows with fancy bells, and if we're lucky, some good old Swiss yodeling. Because honestly? That's what every other Swiss celebration we've encountered has been. Quaint, heartwarming, and very G rated. But on this particular Saturday in August, I was in in for one hell of a surprise.
Apparently, once a year, the people of Zurich and the surrounding areas release all their pent up naughtiness, and flock to the streets of Zurich to see how anti-Swiss they can be. The official documented excuse for having the parade is to celebrate Gay Pride in Switzerland. And since I've been to a couple really fun and crazy gay pride parades in the States, I knew it wouldn't involve yodeling and cow bells. But surely Switzerlands Gay Pride parade would be a very watered down version. I imagined lots of rainbow flags and signs advocating love and acceptance of all lifestyles. Maybe some interesting fashion choices and probably a few drunken crazies thrown in for fun. But to my surprise, I saw VERY little in the way of gay pride. Hardly a rainbow to be seen. It appeared that the entire canton of Zurich uses the Zurich Street Parade as an excuse to toss their Alphorns aside, and rebel against all things orderly, cleanly, and in many cases, sane.
So on a Saturday in August, we hired a babysitter for the afternoon, grabbed our camera, and headed downtown on the train. Our fun and crazy friends from California are never ones to shy away from a celebration and we planned to meet them at the parade. The train was packed and we sat facing two matronly, old, greyhaired ladies that looked like they were on their way to a church potluck in their nylons and polyester suits. Across the aisle sat their polar opposites and the first sign that today was no ordinary day in Zurich. A couple of heavily pierced gentlemen (I use the term loosely) were wearing matching T-shirts advertising a Swiss website. I had to do a double take when I read "SWISSF____ERS.COM". And I assure you, the F word they were proudly wearing was not a shout out to Swiss Farmers. I have to imagine their choice of attire broke at least half a dozen Swiss rules and that the 2 fashion trendsetters would most certainly be receiving a fine shortly. Little did I know that F bomb t-shirts would be the least of the Swiss authorities problems......
When we got off the train, it looked like Mardi Gras, a strip club, and a horror movie had all exploded in the middle of our otherwise stuffy city. I actually saw an entire family dressed completely in black, skin tight, shiny vinyl. The Dad was wearing buttless chaps, and his 2 young children didn't seem to be horrified by this fact. I'm all for having some crazy, silly, family fun, but the minute somebody's butt is showing, I know a line has been crossed. I was too horrified to think about pulling my camera out of my purse to snap a picture, so I'll just have to leave it to your imagination. Trust me, your imagination can't make it any more disturbing than seeing it live.
It was at about this time that I received a text from our friends, that read....
HEADED TOWARDS U.
ALREADY HAD BEER ON FEET AND GENITALS IN FACE.
WATCH OUT FOR ALL THE PEE
Hmmmm.....Perhaps this should have deterred Bryan and I from heading closer to the party zone. But I figured since I have a good 6 inches on Crystal, I was probably safe in the "body parts at eye level" department, so we followed all the freaks towards the fun. And rather than try to explain to you the sights of Zurich gone mad, I'll let the pictures tell the story.......
I'm not sure what's more disturbing, the girls in their underwear, or the guy in front of them.
It looks like the golden girls forgot their blouses.
I wonder if he realizes he's run his hose?
"Honey, we're not in China anymore!"
This guys was going for the Chippendales meets Mr. Rogers look.
Hey, is that Gene Simmons?!?!?!
"I LIKE BLUE BUTTS, AND I CANNOT LIE!"
This lovely lady was carrying a camera to snap some pictures of the other people who were letting it all hang out.
Which one of these parade goers received an atomic wedgie earlier in the day? 
That cardigan wasn't quite long enough to cover his bum.
I like how he's looking judgmentally at the guy in neon like he's made a fashion faux pas.
There are no words for this photo. At least not any appropriate ones.
Somebody missed the memo regarding casual attire for "Guys Night Out".
Pretty woman.....walking down the street.....pretty woman......
His name was Lola, he was a showgirl.......
This guy was partying on a bridge over the Limmat River. Probably a wise clothing choice.....
This has "messed up childhood" written all over it.
Something tells me she's had a few appts. with a plastic surgeon....
It's not everyday you get to see a rabbit being chased by a peacock.
There were good butts..........
.........and there was some missing dental floss.
"Come on Thelma, let's go change into our g-strings and show em how it's done."
Like I said, there are no words that can explain Zurich Street Festival as well as the pictures. We spent most of the afternoon camped out underneath an awning to stay out of the rain, and happened to have the perfect spot for freak watching. But it's funny, after awhile, you start to feel a little left out of all the fun. So after a couple (read: several) 6 franc Heinekens in a can, I decided it was time to partake in the festivities. And fortunately, there was a wig salesman who had set up shop right down the street. When I first suggested the wigs, Bryan and Co. responded with nervous laughter. But by the 14th mention of wearing wigs, Derek was the only hold out. "No! I'm not wearing a wig, Heather. Seriously, someone might see me. You are not going to get me to wear a wig. End of story"
He's no match for me and my brilliant ideas. Bryan actually really liked his fro. For those of you who know Bryan, he's probably the last guy you'd imagine would walk around town sporting an afro wig. But on this particular day, it happened to be raining. And apparently he hates getting raindrops on his glasses more than he hates looking like a nut. So he put the wig on and literally, didn't take it off until dinner.
Derek (aka Carrot Top) wore it to appease me and wore the same ridiculous look on his face all day. Although, after stopping to use the Ladies room at Starbucks, we returned to find Derek had made some new friends and apparently felt much more comfortable in Crystal's wig.....
We used a new babysitter for our street parade outing and thought it was a good idea to check in with him a few times throughout the day. As you might expect, the parade was noisy and we had to sneak away from the main thoroughfare to be able to hear above the noise of the partygoers.
Nothing says, "responsible parent" like your husband chatting up the babysitter while wearing an afro wig. And although Bryan swears the woman in the above photo was not flashing him while he talked to the sitter, it sure looks suspicious. And really, who could blame the woman for wanting to tempt such a stud?!?!? Clearly the ladies love afro-Bryan.....
So it was a crazy fun day, and I think I can speak for all 4 of us, when I say that it was refreshing to see a little craziness in Zurich. It can feel a little suffocating sometimes when the Swiss openly glare and shake their heads at you for small infractions like recycling on a Sunday. But I've come to accept their often rigid ways and realize that they probably find my American ways just as annoying as I find some of the their Swiss ways. I give the Swiss a lot of credit for taking advantage of their one "let loose" day of the year. They make the most of it and have a good time showcasing their crazies. And for one brief afternoon, these nutty Americans were proud to help them celebrate.
